On Taking Leaps

By: Eric Sanabria, VP of Revenue Operations, Oyster Financial

I clearly recall when I told my director at Google that I was considering taking a sabbatical leave from work. It was a bit of a detour from my career trajectory; but something within me told me that it was the right thing to do. I’m glad I listened. 

“So what do you want to do next?” he asked. I nervously blurted out, “I want to work on music and travel throughout Mexico. I want to disconnect and take some time to recharge. I need it.” 

There was a slight pause in his response. I had no idea how he’d take it. Then, to my surprise, he goes, “That sounds awesome! Let’s figure out a timeline.” 

That easy? I thought to myself. I should have mustered the courage to do this earlier. Yet, the months leading up to that moment were not so easy. 

On paper, things were going well. I was working on interesting and impactful projects at Google. I chaired the regional advisory board for Global Glimpse, a nonprofit with a mission I deeply believe in and had been involved with for almost 5 years. One the creative front, I even released an album with my band, Slow Lode, and played a few shows with them around the Bay. 

While the external accomplishments were great, I allowed them to distract me from doing the internal work I needed to do. I had come out of a long-term relationship a year before that and was working through its aftermath. My depression and anxiety were at an all-time high; it got so bad that even getting up to go to work was an exercise of its own and panic attacks were a semi-regular occurrence. 

The last thing I wanted to do was take on more responsibilities – let alone start a new role.

I floated the idea in my head of taking an extended leave (or sabbatical) but never allowed it to simmer. My mind drew up many “doomsday” scenarios about the material implications. The risk – no pay, potentially being replaced in my role, and halting my career development –  terrified me from taking the leap. In reality, this heightened perception of risk was a symptom of something larger: a fear of failure.  

I decided to shift my thinking and allowed myself to imagine beyond fear. Instead of looking at a sabbatical as a big risk, it was an opportunity to recalibrate and reevaluate my values. I wanted to intentionally engage my creative side via music; this would be a forum to do just that. It was important for me to do this outside of my day-to-day, open myself up to new experiences, and truly embrace serendipity; so travel was a no brainer.  As these intentions became clearer to me, the idea evolved into something that was not only palatable but imperative. 

While my intentions were clear and defined, my itinerary was not – that was on purpose. I wanted to challenge my instinct for controlling the outcome. At the risk of sounding cliche, this was less about the destination and more about the journey. 

With these values firmly ingrained in me, I went away on sabbatical for the early part of 2019. The time away provided exactly what I needed and more. I developed a daily meditation practice, journaled 400-pages worth of thoughts and new music material, took vocal lessons in Oaxaca, and made amazing friends. I even found love. 

I returned back to work renewed with a grounded sense of gratitude and self-confidence. The “risks” I had conjured never materialized – and in fact, I was promoted while on leave! I was instilled with a new sense of curiosity and joy for life. The sabbatical inspired a cognitive and spiritual shift that has reinvigorated how I approached things. This could never have happened had I stayed risk-averse and avoided the conversation with my director. It is a lesson in listening to my gut that is now ever-present within me.